Malc in a Session with Chris Turner

…….as we headed into the session my conscious mind resited and fought to remain in “control” to the point where I had to return to the cloud and start again. Finally, something began to merge and much like in my first session, what did emerge was very abstract. I clearly remember being crouched down behind a vehicle in a long alley and having the feeling that there was something amiss…. not wrong exactly, just not quite right. Before I could examine this scene too closely I began to move along the alley seeing hundreds of blank windows and buildings that “felt” derelict flickering past, ever more quickly until all detail was lost and everything began to blur. As this happened, the colours began to change and the sensation became more like I was coursing through a tube being carried in a torrent of neon blue fluid, there was no fear or worry despite feeling like I was moving at incredible speed, speed that did not diminish in any way when the tube turned upward and I hurtled skyward, feet first a huge expanse of……..I don’t know…… In this new enviroment, colours and features clashed and changed jarringly but all I felt was a mild curiosity, a kind of…..”OK, now what?” Soon, what appeard to be a coastline came into view and I began to long curving descent towards it eventually arriving on what I can only call a beach but one that would never see towels or sandcastles…….Oh no! At the first “glance” it was impossible to acertain with any firm conviction which was “land” and which was “water” and even what colour eithr of these shifting concepts might be….. I seem to remember Chris asking whether I had form and if I could see my body and although there was a definite sense of physicallity, I could not discern my body….. Looking down to where my feet habitually are in “normal” circumstances, I could see nothing but as I looked, reality fell away leaving me perched precariously over what seemed like endless abyss…….A sheer cliff face that fractured away from from me and coruscated with neon blue lightning from the depths of …….Existence?? This was when things really began to shift……Looking down I felt myself lean outward into that bottomless space, teering further and further until I could reach down and grab hold of this ragged cliff……I remember there being a thought, perhaps even a decision that I just did not like this reality, this infinite wall of rock and lightning, this way up and with a wrench, I simply inverted the cliff…..the world for all I cared…..I was now looking upward at a mountain that towered above me. Reaching forward again I grabbed handfuls of rock and hauled myself bodily up with no effort at all. As I did so, my feet came forward, gained purchase and flung me forward again in a great leap…..Once again I reached out with my “hands” and I was idly amused to notice that these were huge and tipped with talons that rent the rocks as I pulled myself forward again and propelled myself into another huge bound. During this ascent I was filled with absolute joy at the sheer act of racing wildly up, up, up……every time thesed clawed hands pulled me further they became more and more filled with the same new blue energy which crackled around me, discharging into the rock and through this immense from which I now joyously inhabited. As I sensed I was beginning to get near to……something, some specific point in the climb, I sank my hands into the rock with instantaneous manifestation I felt a rush of enery pour up my arms and exploded out from my shoulder blades to form cascading crystalline wings and, with a final push from my legs I back flipped of the mountainside and took flight……Just typing this I can feel the utter rush of exhilaration, the sheer exuberance of flying…..Really f****ing flying!!! Being able to trun and swoop, to feel the air streeming past my body as I hurtled through open air and swept downward to skim effortlessly over the ground…..Ahead of me “trees” of iridecent blue crystal sprang upward to meet me and without thinking I crashed headlong through them, tumbling and turning as they shattered and exploded around me and I laughed and laughed and laughed at the beautiful madness of it all….. It was at this point I believe an innocuous question shifted the experience totally…..I was asked whether it was right to destroy the “trees”……Weren’t they also alive? With this question, enter doubt where there had been none. Enter perhaps remorse where there there had just been abandon. There had never been any sense of aggression or destructive intent in my action and again, in hindsight, I realise that I was not simply this immense blue crystal Griffin (this is the closest approximation I can find) but was the forest, the cliff…..the entire planet and even the entire dimension and was merely exerting my ability to create and destroy at will…..To revel in the juxtaposition on these two states and just be the whole experience but…..At the time….I clattered to a halt admist the shattered shards of crystal and looking down, had returned to a human form, now lying in a foetal position, cradling a large shard in my arms. As I watched, the last flickers of fire left the shard and it became inert, lifeless. With some effort I lifted the shard and began to walk with it…..Not looking but knowing my destination, I headed into the darkness of a cave and in that darkness, I knew what I had now to do and that this would be where I, like the once living rock I held, would die. With this knowledge, I began to rise, perspective shifting and twisting as I left the scene behind….. So, that was it….Why was I shown this particular past life? What could that do to answer my question? For me, it simply said……You were once a being of immeasurable strengh and power able to manifest and create planets at will…..What have you to be afraid of? Since then, it has to be said, a busy life and a busy head is still where I find myself on a day to day basis but as I said, I only have to turn my attention inward, to connect with the certainty that this…..this “reality” is not all there is…..that we are more than we can normally perceive through the filters of our human senses. We are here to experience this life and we must make the most of this opportunitiy to ensure we can learn and grow from the experience before we move on to….where? Who knows……